Ten weeks post

so i am ten weeks post. i have changed my shampoo and conditioner to Cantu. so far i have noticed a tremendous difference. hand in hand with the Cantu, i have been using the AphoGee green tea spray. it has also help with the shedding. i cant run my fingers through my and take out as much of hair i like i used to. i try not to use it every wash to avoid protein overload, but i love that my hair is strengthening already. i straightened my hair and realized that my hair is getting longer. yay!!!!....for me, lol. i really feel like if i use this castor oil until i relax december 23rd that i will be at my goal for the year, APL by Christmas. i am so excited. i am also hoping for BSL by August 2010. its one goal at a time, but my APL and BSL goals are the two i am the most excited about. I don't know why. I was once at WL and i am not that excited about reaching it, lol, its backwards i know.

so i have four more weeks until i relax. i cannot wait until december.

9 weeks in

so i am officially 9 weeks into my stretch. i am experiencing severe shedding. however i have no plans on relaxing my hair early (however, do not quote me in case of emergencies). my goal is to solve the shedding when its at its worst. if i can manage my shedding during these dire times, it will be a breeze any other time. so my goal is to stop it or slow it tremendously. from this day foward, i am going to collect my shedding hair and have a comparsion at my next nine week mark of my next stretch. i am only washing my hair once a week. i have gotten lazy with the moisturizing and applying castor oil. i promise to get back on the bandwagon. december 23rd is the day. hopefully i will hit my APL mark. i am excited. no more trims until mid febuary early march. im so excited. if i don't hit APL, i know i will get close and i know that i have worked hard for it. i will be disappointed but i will be ok and i will relax again march 20-31. between june and august, i am praying for BSL.

until next time.

14 week stretch

so. i have decided to stretch my relaxer for a total of ten more weeks, giving me a grand total of fourteen. the decision was an immediate one. i really didn't do too much thinking about it. there are a couple reasons why i am doing this:

one, i am now four weeks post and i do not have any NG. i was going to have to relax my hair in seven weeks and i wasn't going to have that much NG.

two, i have been debating about whether i am going to go natural or not. i feel like this stretch would give me my true answer, whether i can handle it or not.

so i am excited about doing this stretch. if i want to go natural, i am pretty sure that i am not going to relax my hair and continue to transisition. i am so scared. lol. i have always had some kind of hair. so cutting it eventually scares me. my friend is actually transisitioning now. its been a month since her last relaxer, so she is already on her way. she is shaved in the back so the back of her head is already natural. another friend of mines went natural and she looks so good. another friend of mines is going natural too and she hasn't had a relaxer in four months.
my mom is going to hate my natural hair. i am going to continue to think about it, just to make sure my heart is in the right place and that i will not regret it. right now, i am just on the fence.

september relaxer

so i finally relaxed last tuesday. i know this blog is a little late, but i had to catch up on my school work. so i the longest portion of my hair is at an inch from APL. i am excited. but i am also nervous because when i take my shirt and do a bare back check, it looks like i am a long ways away from APL, it can be as far away as three inches it appears. i get a little discouraged. but the relaxer did really well except that i started to burn really bad so i didn't get to bone straight relax my hair in the front. but i still love my hair. its healthy and its getting longer. one side is a little longer but i will work on it. i am going to use my castor oil like its no tomorrow. hopefully i will have pictures up soon so you can see the difference.

third wash in september

so just updating that i washed my hair for the third time last night. after my hair completely dried, my hair was so soft. i can't wait until my relaxer. i decided to relax tomorrow instead of friday because i do not think that i can last with all of the bad shedding that i am doing. i am losing alot of hair. lol. sometimes i think that if i go too long with out a relaxer, i may wake up bald. isn't that crazy, lol?

nine months into my hair journey

ok. how in the world did i forget to talk about yesterday was my ninth month into my healthy hair journey. i guess because i was in the hospital. oh well. the truth still remains that i am nine months in and the point is that i am really disappointed at where i am as far as length. i felt like i should have been a little longer than where i am, but the past is the past and i have nothing to show for it but health, which is very important. at least i got the health. by december i want my hair to be the healthiest its ever been.

in december i am so excited because it marks a year for me. also i may have APL hair and i believe that my hair will be at is healthiest. so so excited.

i may have another hair anniversary: september 1, 2009. i am not sure yet. i may celebrate them both. december 9, 2008 was the beginning of everything, so of course i have to celebrate that one. but on the first of this month this year, i realized that my hair like the more simpler things. i decided to dumb down my regimen a lot and start very simple: shampoo, conditioner/DC, leave in, castor oil, sealing oil and moisturizer. this is it. this is all i am doing, i know until the end of the year.

so, here in september i have been using the herbal essences hydralicious moisturizing shampoo and conditioner. the shampoo gets my scalp really clean and the conditioner does a great job of softening my hair. i use the HE LTR as my leave in and i seal the leave in with african best oil mixed with castor oil. its only been two washes and its been going great. i love it so much. right now i have thick NG and so when i am detangling i lose a lot of hair. i try to make sure that i am treating my hair like silk, lol. braid outs on dry hair and rollersets on wet hair has been working for me being nappy near the roots. seven weeks post tomorrow, this stretch went by pretty fast, but i am two weeks earlier than i usually relaxing at. but thats ok. these last two stretchs of the year will also be about seven or eight weeks, by me wanting a fresh relaxer in time for christmas.

next month i am switching it up to another shampoo and conditioner, suave daily clarifier and suave humectant. i love the humectant but i haven't tried the clarifier. also i am going to use the HE LTR as my leave in. i actually am thinking about using the september method in october and maybe until the end of the year, lol. i just love what i am using a lot and i wold hate to stop using it and try something that may decide not to work for me. i will have my mind made up about what i am going to do before october.

i am going to use this simpler method, i said around about march, but now i am thinking about the end of next summer, unless something dire comes up. my hair gets really dry and i could really use this extra moisture that i am getting from the leave in and the moisturizer and the oils. i have been worried about a protein. i am going to buy my protein, which i have decided will be mane and tail mixed with a little HE hello hydration moisturizing condtioner because my hair cannot handle alot of protein. i will only use the protein when my hair is limp. other than that, i won't use it. i think that i won't have to use a protein no more than once a month. i am afraid that the clarifying shampoos that i will be using will strip my hair of the moisture and have my hair dry again, but my scalp needs the cleaning because i have been getting a bad case of dandruff since i started doing this simpler method. i was hoping to only have to wash my hair once a week but i am already up to twice a week. hopefully i can cut down the dandruff without adding another product into my regimen. after a month, i MAY incorporate a pre-poo to help add a little more moisture IF NEEDED.

a little look into my relaxer prep:
since i washed my hair tuesday night, i am hoping that i won't have to wash my hair until i am rinsing out the relaxer. i hope. lol. but i doubt, so the only time that i will allow myself to wash is only monday, no later. starting this sunday, i will oil my scalp and hair every day, hopefully twice a day to prevent burns. i will also moisturize and seal my hair everyday to prevent my hair from over processing.
the day of my relaxer will be friday. the night before i will oil my scalp with vaseline. friday morning i will go over my scalp again only on the places where my scalp is dry. friday afternoon i will relax my hair, base my scalp and ends. i plan to buy coconut oil for my ends. i am hoping to be an inch from APL.
after my hair is rinsed, i am going to DC with my CON. hopefully i can do thirty minutes with heat. i plan to DC for an hour and a half to two hours. after rinsing my DC, i will apply my leave in, HE LTR with my oil, africans best without the castor or kemi oil, which ever i have available. i will only airdry and flat iron my hair on the lowest setting on completely airdried hair.

and thats about it.

Wash 2 of September

ok. so i decided to wash my hair because my hair was so dirty. i did and i followed the shampoo with the conditioner. i left it in for about six hours, way more than i wanted to, blame it on my nap, lol. so i washed the conditioner out. hair was so freaking soft!!! i added my leave in and i sealed my leave in with my african's best oil mixed with castor oil, a 60:40 ratio. it was really thick when i was applying it. but i woke this morning to find that my hair was not weighed down and for the most part, my hair is really soft. i am so excited. i am discovered this and its really working for me, at the moment. i have a little over three months to get my hair to APL and i am seriously on a mission to get my hair down my back. friday will make me seven weeks post. i am trying to decide whether i am going to relax next friday or two weeks later.

ps - roller sets are really working for my NG.

New Regimen into play : first day update

so, i am washing my hair with herbal essenses hydralicious moisturizing shampoo and conditioner. first i washed my hair with the shampoo. after only concentrating on my scalp and rinsing, my scalp was so clean. after that i let my conditioner sit in as a DC for about two hours. after rinsing in cold water, my hair was so soft. my next step was to add my HE LTR. i applied it and sealed it with african best herbal oil. i roller set my hair and sat under the hood dryer from 30 to 40 minutes. after i removed my rollers, my curls were so SOFT. i loved it. they were bouncy. my hair was moisturized just right. my hair was loving the attention. before i broke the curls, i added a little moisturizer to my hair because i was going to a college football game and i didn't want my hair to frizz or dry out in the 98 degree weather. so i did and i broke my curls and it was so cute and it lasted all day through the heat and the humid and the sweat. i love this so much and i will continue to do this when my NG is plenty. i am less than two weeks post and i can't wait until i get a relaxer.

Shedding horribly

usually i do not shed until the days leading up to a relaxer after a ten week stretch. but for some reason i am losing alot of hair. every time i put my hands in my hair, i am losing AT LEAST ten strands, this can be tripled throught out the day because i am finding more and more hair on my shirt, even if my hair is bunned.

i am six weeks post (officially tomorrow) and my hair has a little fro around the scalp, lol. my NG is thick, but no long. nonetheless, its there and i am pleased because it didn't seem like i was going to get any growth for a while. two more weeks until relaxer.

hope i can make it.

p.s. - castor oil gots my head itchy than a mug, lol.

wore my hair down today

so i decided to straighten my hair and wrap it. when worn down today, i realized that my hair is growing some. i saw that i may have to trim it to help even it. i will be six weeks this friday and my hair is really thick. tomorrow starts the fall challenge. i am so excited about that because i am so ready. i want to be APL by christmas. i will do everything in my power to get me there. three months to get there and i am about two inches away. not to mention that i have this relaxer to give me a little boost on the 18th.

my goal is to:
-incorporate more castor oil into my reg, application every other day (three to four days a week)
and to add castor oil into my DCs
-another thing is to keep my scalp cleaner by incorporating a shampoo into my reg
-seal after EACH moisturizing
-less manipulation when hair is wet
-more roller sets

ooh...tomorrow is the day!!!

Looking at different dates

i was in class this morning thinking that i don't give my hair enough time to grow. thats why i am not meeting my goals. i was giving myself this measurement: every ten weeks is an inch of growth. its almost accurate measurements if my hair grows the same every month and if i am retaining my length, that i haven't been doing. so i have decided to give myself a little more time between goals. here is my new revised list:

December 2009 - APL (hopefully!!!! i have only two or three more inches to go and only four months to do it.

August 2010 - BSL

June 2011 - MBL

April 2012 - WL

August 16th blog post

so, i was thinking that since i can't take care of my hair just yet, that i should let the salon do something to it every two-three weeks. its twenty five to thirty dollars i am looking at per two to three weeks. i don't know how to wet wrap my hair properly. i have no hood dryer. i dont have a good flat iron. the coup de gras is that i do not have a job. lol. so i will probably be struggling to make an appointment every few weeks. however, i am going to try to get my hair done in the salon once a month starting soon. before four weeks post i will only get a wrap. after four weeks post, i will get rods or curls, something that has texture to match my ng's texture. hopefully i can buy a hood dryer and some rollers in the near future. i don't have the money to spend right now. by the 1st of september i will get my last check and buy all of my rollers....or a dryer. see? i am so torn. i may buy the dryer first. i am seriously considering the dryer. lol.

August 15th blog post

so, i finally bought a wig!!! i was so excited. its synthetic. it was a little too shiny for me and i decided to wash it with apple cider vinegar and conditioner. it dulled so pretty, pretty realistic, lol. now i had failed to realize that i bought a wig almost three shades too bright. so, i can't be a summer wig. i decided that it will be my winter wig. i am in northern alabama now. it will start to get chilly very soon, september and october. i am so excited to wear it. i hope that i can go a while with wearing, hoping to increase my growth, stop my direct heat usage and get me to APL by december. ***fingers crossed***

i bought more castor oil and more moisturizer. i am hoping to get around and find people on campus to braid my hair and do whatever: box braids, sew ins, etc. i am three weeks post. because i do not have the resources for braids and the money to get my hair done every two weeks. i am hoping that i can eventually get the resources and be able to really do well by my hair.

August 11th blog post

i think i figured out what i want to do with my hair if my hair doesn't change or if i have to do a dramatic chop or something.

ok, here is the plan:
i am going to watch my hair and give my hair until march to do better. if not a significant change by march, i will hold of my relaxer until the end of may and i will texlax. the middle of my hair will not relax bone straight anyways, so i can do that if my hair still doesn't act right. i am also thinking about a big trim too. but i rather not be quoted, lol. i am a little afraid to, but i will if i have to. i am going to do more research on texlaxing. if it comes to it, i will be well educated and i can just dive right into it.

this month is august, so this is my stronger and thicker hair challenge. i was unable to complete my no heat for a month challenge because of the sever breakage, but i think i saved my hair in the nick of time. the best thing for me to do at the time was to relax my hair. i realized that i will have to trim my hair evenly almost every relaxer just to keep my hair growing together. it may take me longer to reach my goals, but i am willing to take that chance to keep my hair even and healthy.

i decided to relax my hair every eight weeks now. my next relaxer is due september 12th.

HHJ!

blogging about my hair, of course

so i decided to wash my hair today. i pre-poo'ed for about 4-6 hours, i forget. i pre-poo'ed with my mixture, lustrasilk deep conditioner with suave conditioner and african's best oil. after i rinsed, i decided to add HE hello hydration as my DC. i will DC over night and rinse in the morning. the morning ritual will be a ACV rinse and my leave in. i have grown fond of apple cider vinegar since my first use. it left my scalp tight and my hair seemed a little stronger. of course i will have to blog about my second use, just to keep everyone updated about how its continuing to do with my hair.

my hair seems softer. i have noticed length, a little but its something, right? my hair has gotten a lot thicker. i love castor oil. i saw where people do not believe that castor oil have any influence in growth. my personal belief is that i think castor oil has worked wonders for me. my hair is thicker. i don't need the length as proof. my hair is thicker and thicker hair is just as good as longer hair. so, hey, i am easily satisfied. but as i said before, i have no intentions on watching my hair. also, i have said that right now the length is not important to me right now. i am still learning what my hair is trying to say to me. so until then, health before length.

HHG!!!

my emergency relaxer and trim

so i had to have an emergency relaxer. this is what happened. ok. yesterday, i saw my hair was so stiff and breaking and shedding. it was a mess. my hair was horrible yesterday. i also saw my ends splitting almost a inch up. it was time to relax. so at nine weeks, today i did. someone told me a comment saying that a relaxer may or may not solve my problems. whatever, lol. i relaxed and i am very happy with the results.

last night, i oil my scalp with carrot oil, also the ends. i moisturized my hair to prevent over processing. i was planning on texlaxing the time, but my hair was in such bad shape that i decided that it would be best if i relax bone straight, just to see what is exactly going on. this morning, i based my scalp and continue with a Creme of nature relaxer. with my thick hair, i was very surprised that i did not run out from that small jar, lol. next, i used the neutralizing shampoo and dc'ed with creme of nature deep active moisturizing conditioner and a little oil. i dc'ed with heat for the first fifteen minutes and the other forty-five was without. i rinsed and added my HE LTR leave in and allowed my hair to airdry. after my hair was completely dried. i added a little of my olive oil moisturizer on my ends and base my hair with kemi oyl, my heat protectant. i flat ironned my hair and it turn out beautifully. its soft. its bouncy and i had to take a little of in the front due to bad ends. i hate that my hair is lacking alittle shine, but i will work on that. overall, i am very pleased with my results.

my tshirt? ok, my tshirt says that i am somewhere between one inch and two inches from APL. so i had a little growth. that good. i am very pleased. i didn't expect much because of my other emergency trim. however, i can say that my hair is almost at the healthiest state that it has ever been. i almost forgetting about these goals that i have set for myself, about when i am going to meet this length and that length. i am pleased that my hair seems healthy. i am going to continue on this journey for healthier hair. if length comes, then length comes. i will post a few counters here at sometime just to show when i was expecting some of these goals. but i am going to, from here on out, let my mind rest about these expectations. i am going to check when the time is near just to see if i am making the goal, lol. but other than that, i am just going to go about my business, taking care of my hair and stopping watch for my hair to grow longer. i know the longer i watch the longer it will take my hair to grow. in a way, i wan't to be surprised. hopefully i will get a surprise by christmas, lol. but i will not be checking for it.

as you can see, i had to renege on my no heat challenge for the month because of this. i am disappointed, but i will try again. since i will not be looking for my length anymore, i can have these monthly goals to keep me busy. so watch for the pictures and my length counters.

its monday, eleven days until my relaxer

i was just thinking about all of the things i want to blog about soon. i need to write about another experience with ACV. that will probably come this week, thursday, probably. also, i want to blog about my new protein treatments. i need to pay attention to when my hair needs moisture and protein. i call myself looking out, but sometimes i slip up. and by the time i realize it, the damage is done. i am eight weeks post, ugh, less than two weeks left before i finally tame this mane. i started my relaxer prep a couple days ago. just trying avoid over-processing. castor oil is playing a big part. i am also moisturizing everyday and sealing will be every other day. i am hoping for an inch, but i will be grateful with a half inch. i feel like i am close to APL. i feel like when i am at least under two inches, the realization will finally kick in. i haven't had hair down my back in seven years. when its finally confirmed that i am less than two inches away, i will jump for joy. lol. i will be so happy. my biggest disappointment will be if i don't make APL in december. i would to at least meet one goal a year.

about my protein treatments: ok, so i was looking at my products and wondering what i am not using and what i do not want to use again. also, i was trying to see what i needed to stock up on for school. i saw my cantu leave in conditioner. i see where i did not use it but only once. five dollars and its practically full. so i was writing down some notes about it: that its a protein, light to medium. and i was look at my HE hello hydration. its a moisturizing conditioner. i was using it as a DC, but its not working anymore. i ended up going to WALMART and finding CON deep active moisturizing conditioner, AHHH!!! its my favorite DC. and it was on sale for three dollars. i bought two bottles. so i have my DC back. its been hard to find and the places where i did find it, they were selling it for five and six dollars. i am very cheap. lol. but back to my story, i wrote a few notes about my HE conditioner, and i looked back at some notes where i wrote about my personal opinion of protein in my hair. because my hair lacks strength at the moment, a strong protein is not what i need. however, every protein that i have tried seems to be a little to strong, even mane and tail. my hair has really lost is strength. so i was think that maybe i should try to come up with a mixture of a protein by myself. my mane and tail is my light protein. so i decided to experiment with the stronger of the two: my cantu. in a container, i mixed two spoonfuls of cantu with three spoonfuls of HE hello hydration and a tablespoon of my oils. i applied it to my hair and left it on for about twenty minutes. i rinsed my hair and applied a leave in and let it air dry. my hair in that short amount of time did a complete one eighty (180, lol, writing it out looked weird to me). when my hair was about ninety percent dry, it seemed stronger. it was bouncy and it was just amazing. it also seem stronger. i was very pleased. so i will try this for a while longer, just to see if this is really what i want in my reg.

so that is about it for this one.

black women versus black women

in my opinion, if you take a ladies' hair away, you take away their covering and they are vulnerable to the world. its the same thing as talking down about someone's hair. why do black women do it? generations ago, they were a supporting generation. if your child was misbehaving, the neighborhood would let the family know and everyone would have a hand in trying to correct the child. this generation, i don't know what to say. we do more harm than good. i include myself, only because i am part of this generation and i am very proud to say that i honestly do not say anything about anyone's hair. its demeaning; its wrong. who knows what sets people off these days. one comment about someone's hair in a hurtful way can even set someone off into a mental or emotional breakdown. thats why we need to watch what we say,

i can remember growing up, i was teased heavily because of my hair. neither my mom nor me could comb my hair. so i went to school looking less than presentable. i was teased everyday until i cut my because of my yearning to an individual. but i can say that my teasing did have something to do with my huge chop. i loved my hair, regardless of how hard it was to come. my classmates didn't appreciate my love. they used everything they could to hurt me about my hair. and they did. i was so hurt. i didn't want to come to school. i didn't have friends. i tried to wear hats everyday. i slicked my hair down with heavy products back into ponytails so that i could conceal my hair from taunts. it never went away. i was even teased from trying to hide it. the cycle never ended.

when my hair did grow, my hair was snatched all day everyday. my black female classmates were trying so hard to see whether my hair was real or not so they can talk about that too, i am guessing. upon my last year in high school, i had the longest african american hair. i didn't expect the comments to stop, but i didn't expect compliments either. and i didn't get any. girls said that because i am bi-racial, of course my hair grew back fast. and they also said that if one their parents were white their hair would grow fast too. i didn't say anything. why? because i first hand know the hurt of being teased and taunted. i am not afriad or ashamed to talk about it now either because i want others to learn from me. you can't accept it, but you can't fight back either.

its sad that these days, black women can't stand to see other black women succeeding, especially if they are doing better. it is a cycle that viciously repeats itself: example - two girls can both have one child a piece. mother A is at home doing nothing progressive and mother B decided to go to school and also get a part time job. mother A would say something like look at her, she know its hard for to go school with a child; she won't even make it. but someone has to remind mother A that she has a child too and at least mother B is trying to make something of herself. also she she could be commended for doing it all with a baby. then mother A has to start making up lies that don't apply to herself to make mother B look bad like, she don't know who the father of child is. who knows whether that statement is true or not. the point is, black women can be devious sometimes.

does it seem like the women that doesn't come from much or didn't make anything out of themselves have the most to say negative about someone? it breaks my heart. i hate that we are not as supportive as the women on hairlista. those women are so nice and these women that we deal with in person on a day to day basis are horrible, lol. but there are black women that are not like that and i give them their credit. thank you for not being a statistic. thank you for being supportive. thank you for caring about you black sisters and thank you for trying to uphold them and not break them and bring them down.

Just wanted to blog about past hair experiences

so my hair has been through alot: relaxers, hot oil treatments, tremendous cuts and trims, ridicules and haters. here is how my story went:

my mom pressed my hair all the time. thats all she knew how to do. my mom did not know how to comb hair. it shows because other than her beautician, i am her primary hair stylist. my mom could put those big twist plaits in my hair, but nothing else. my hair draw up went it was wet and natural. my waist length hair looked like it was about shoulder length. i hated getting my hair done by her. she was so heavy-handed and rough with a comb. it was always a crying match. i always wanted to wear my hair down and pressed, but my mom said that it wouldn't be flattering on a ten year old. when i was in the fifth grade, my mom was talked into getting me a relaxer to help with my tamed hair. she agreed and took me to a stylist. mom loved the way my hair was easily managed, until it got wet. my hair gets really poofy when wet and it looks like a soft afro and it is hard to comb. at waist length, my mom was astonished at the length. everytime i went to the salon to get a relaxer or just a style, my mom stayed right there with me, because the stylist wanted to cut my hair because she said it was too much for her to style. thats why my mom stayed around. my mom was already paying her extra to take care of my longer hair. why did she want to cut it? one day, my mom decided that she needed to stay home while i got my hair done. the lady cut my hair! she cut to where my BSL mark would be. my mom was pissed. she asked why she did it, and the lady said that i had bad ends. my mom was horrified and in disbelief. i got a trim every relaxer, how did my ends get so bad where i need like a foot of hair chopped off, lol. so i stopped going to her and went to lady that did hair a chair from her, lol. not a big change of scenery. this lady told my mom because of my forehead, the shape of my head and my age that bangs would look pretty on me. so she cut them. i liked them and mom did too. my mom was satisfied and continued to take me to her. over the course of a few months, my hair reached WL again. my mom was happy, and so was i. one day, the lady had some kind of family prob and couldn't uphold a previously made appointment. so my mom settled, and moved me back down to my old stylist. at first, i thought things were going well until she said that she think she put a "bad" relaxer in my hair. i was horrified. i rosed from the shampoo chair to clumps coming out of my head. OF MY HAIR!!! i called my mom. this lady was not going to finish my hair. my mom was pissed! she got me and took me out of the shop and i never returned. my mom took me to her stylist. the lady cut my WL hair to BSL. i cried the entire time. but they told me to be lucky that i didn't lose all of it. so i was grateful. and over the course of a year my hair grazed WL again. after that, i was my own stylist.

i was going through a lot of shedding. my mom was tired of seeing long strands of hair all over the place. so she talked to grandmother about it and she told my mom that i need a hot oil treatment. i didn't know what they were. but i trust my grandmother so much. so she put one in my hair. i don't know what brand it was. i don't what pack it was in. all i can remember was the smell. IT WAS HORRIBLE!!! and it had to stay in until it got hard, which took forever! finally it was rinsed out and my hair stopped shedding. my mom was satisfied. i was too. my hair seemed stronger. i read later that it was a protein treatment, aphogee. since, i have needed another, but was too afraid to apply it myself. so i use queen helene hot oil treatments to help me with a little protein. i am in love with them and used to use them every wash instead of a conditioning. now i know that i need a conditioning, a good one every wash.

in high school, i got teased alot because of my hair. my cousins even teased me, saying that i looked "homely" and poor because i couldn't get my hair to stay in a ponytail because it was so bushy. my mom told me it was because i am bi-racial where my hair tends to curl up alot when wet. i didn't know what being half white had to do with hair, all i know what i wanted to look like the rest of the children: tamed hair. my hair used to hang behind me, but not down my back. my hair kind of stuck behind me and followed me like this huge brown and red shadow. children used to tell me there was a cloud behind me, a death cloud. thinking back, the comments are funny now. but then i was horrified. even by the time i graduated, i didn't have a hang on how to style my hair everyday, but at least then, my hair was the healthiest. i can remember when i was in the ninth grade, this girl decided to cut my hair while i was sleep. one side of my head was way shorter than the other side. my mom tried to let me go to the beautician, enforcing that she didn't want my hair cut. my hair grew out. by this time, my dad's family was really working my nerves about how i was only trying to look like my older cousin. so in the tenth grade, i cut all my hair to EL. everyone was horrified, but i loved the way i felt afterwards. i felt like i had a name. granted, i didn't know how to care for short hair, and i didn't take advantage of this starting over thing. i let my hair go back into my same old thing, washing my hair twice a month! i don't know what i was thinking.

now my hair is about two inches from APL. this is the longest it has been in seven years. i am ready to have my healthy hair back. i am ready to have my long hair back. i vow that i will never take advantage of it again. my old classmates that didn't like me before are quick to ask me do i have weave in my hair. even my own family ask me is my hair real. its so sad that they are at that such disbelief when they know first hand that my hair practically touched my butt not ten years back. as i look back, i used to want to grow my hair to look pretty. i used to want to grow hair just to show others that used to ridicule me that i can. now, i just want my hair back for me. i love it. i made a vow today. i let my hair down for the first time in a few weeks. i saw how full my hair is. i saw how pretty and full of body it is, and today i am two months post. i love me and i love everything about me. i will no longer worry myself about my hair is taking too long to grow. i have a lot of hair, more hair than some people have. if i can at keep this length (never get shorter than this) and keep this thickness, i will love my hair forever.

i have been thinking

i have thought transistioning before, but i could never go through with because i consider my relaxer as my "way out". it how i get to control what i can't control, my NG. i have thought about it a couple of times. my hair doesnt grow that fast, thats why i have been thinking about going natural. i feel like my hair will be stronger. my relaxed hair is so weak and thin. my NG is always stronger and healthy looking. i envy that hair, lol.

this is my plan. i am going to continue to relax my hair. i am going to continue to find out how i can make my hair stronger. that is my mission. if i can find out what i can do to make my hair stronger, i have no need to transistion. but if i still have this weak hair, i am going to transisition. i am going to go about another 8 months looking for a way to strengthen my hair. that gives me until my march relaxer. i have not find a way to strengthen my hair by then, i am going to start my transistion in march and transistion for two years. i feel like its a good plan. i probably will not BC, i will trim until my relaxed hair is gone. i would probably trim every two to three months, probably one inch a trim.

its exciting to think about it, but when i look at my hair, i get a little discouraged because i would love that healthiness now, that strength, that length.

like i have said before, i am on a mission to strengthen my hair. i am doing my research and i am reading and comparing my notes. i am so glad that i am keeping notes so that i can realize what is not going well with my hair. like dye, its not for me. i believe that is what hurt me three years ago. i am one hundred percent sure that a rinse hurt my hair's strength. i put a few in my hair a few years ago, and my hair has been going down hill ever since.

but i am going to continue until march. so i will give updates between now and march to see where i am going with this process.

Where's my progress?!

i was just looking on this girl's profile on KISS. she went from APL to MBL in nine months. my eyes were huge. i just could not believe it. she reached two goals in nine months and in seven months, all i have received is three inches. i have no idea what i could be doing so wrong. i am hoping for some long hair, but it don't seem like it wants me.

i am hoping for APL by christmas 2009

i am hoping for BSL by my 22nd birthday in june 2010

i am hoping for MBL by my december 2010 graduation

i have plenty of time be my goals, six months. i am giving enough time where my hair can reach a goal way before the time i have indicated by how fast my hair could grow every two months. lol, i have done some serious calculations and i am serious about how i should be at least having some serious hair growth. sometimes i hate look at other people's progress pics because it makes me really sad and sometimes i think about giving up on this HJ. i am trying to stay positive, but i see others making progress like that, i am like, what am i doing wrong. or why do i even bother? tonight i am going to sit down and make a long list about my healthy hair care journey. i am going to post something about it soon. i have to do a little soul searching. maybe i won't have to think so negative about my hair after this time in scratching my brain for some answers.

ACV and true HE LTR Review

i DC today with my HE hello hydration and realized that i need a better one. i may go back to my ORS, but i am going to switch to Suave Humectant for a while. my hair was so hard after my DC. i was very disappointed. i decided to do the apple cider vinegar rinse. i mixed a 1/4 of ACV and two cups of tap water, hot. i left it in a jug overnight and applied a reasonable amount to my hair that was left on for eight minutes. i rinsed my hair and my hair was still very hard. i let the water drip dry from my hair. afterwards, i examined my hair. my hair felt a little stronger. i didn't expect that at all. another thing, my NG, wet or dry, will mat together and it makes it difficult to detangle and is usually very hard. i touched my NG and it was separated, if not easy to separate. a huge plus, especially with me being seven weeks and five days post. also my scalp also felt tight. my scalp also felt very clean. so i saw good results from using this today. i plan on using this again. also, i didn't have any lingering smell of vinegar in my hair.

i folled this with my HE LTR on wet hair and air dried. i worked it in my hair carefully from root to tip. my hair is very wavy so this product helped make my hair even more wavy. it smell so good and my hair is so soft and bouncy. i can't keep my hands out of it. i am so excited about using this product with my relaxer to see how it will look, feel and act after it air dries in my hair and when i flat iron it. i can't this month because of the no heat challenge. but my mom wants me to do her hair tonight, so i am going to give a review about her hair. i feel good about it and i can't wait to do her hair.

so i did my mom's hair. i applied the HE LTR to her hair. it air dried about thirty percent. i had to blow dry the rest. i didn't want to because i thought it might hinder the entire results. but i continued. i also sealed the hair and began to flat iron her hair. overall, the hair is very shiny and the hair is bouncy and full of life. its also very soft. i am hoping that the results can be even better when the hair is completely air dried. i am going to give a better review over this product using it on my relaxer day. i am going to wait until my hair is completely dry. i am so excited about my relaxer. i am planning it step by step, another post in the making.

tomorrow i will try ACV for the first time

so i have been doing my research and i think that maybe i am ready for the apple cider vinegar rinse that i have been hearing so many good things about. i am not using shampoo until i get back into school, i am going to see how this works and i might decide to use it other than shampoo altogether.

ACV -
is supposed to help close the cuticle and pore so that moisture is trapped more
also some have sworn that it helps with breakage and shedding
its been heard that it leaves your hair feeling softer if used correctly with your hair type

there are cons like the vinegar smell and maybe the hardness that could come along if the mixture is not just right.

so tomorrow after swimming, the plan is to co wash, DC, ACV rinse, leave in. i am hoping for some good results. and you already know to expect a review on both my experience with ACV and air drying with HE LTR.

Others' Success

i am so happy for others' progress. sometimes its hard to look at others progress and look at my head. i have seem people that have been on a HHJ alot less than i have and have amazing growth, alot more than mines, lol. i always wondered what makes their hair grow faster than mines. it could be the vitamins. i decided that i will not take vitamins on my HHJ, but thats for another post. i use cheapie products, that could be it. some people have told me that they think i over moisturize. i dont think so. some people moisturize twice a day. i moisturize once a day and add castor oil to my scalp six days out of the week. i seal every other day.i wash my hair two times a week, every other three to four days. so i am keeping my scalp clean and i am doing what i feel like i need to do, but not with expensive products. i am also on a misson to grow hair with a very simple and cheap reggie. however, i am starting to believe that i am going to have to incorporate some quality into my regimen. i don't want to feel like that. so thats why i am going to stick to my reg a little longer, probably until my october relaxer. if i do not see any real results by then, i am going to be on a quest to find me new products.

Next day from using HE LTR

so, i took my hair down from bagging all night. it was ok. it was soft. it has been softer than that so i was a little ehh. i braided it and i eventually combed out my braid and decided to bun. my hair is ok. i really don't have anything to say at the moment about. thats sad, lol. i should have more to say. but i will have a real in depth review when i airdry instead. i feel like the hood dryer set me back from giving a real review.

but i am going to try it again and definitely use it again because it was so easy to comb my hair while wet. i can't wait to try this product again. i am proud of myself because my NG is so manageable. i just want to pat myself on the back that i am doing better by this stretch. i almost slipped up and decided that i was going to relax next weekend, but i forgot that i have this no heat challenge for the month, so i am going to continue with the ten week stretch. i have decided that i am not going to plan my relaxers so far ahead. i think i am going to take a step back and start stretching for eight weeks. after i have stretched for eight and feel like i can hangle that, i will gradually move up to more and more weeks. i also said that if i reach eight weeks and decide that i want to wait another week or two or four, that i will just do that, but only after much consideration that i can do it and that i won't interfere too much with my wanting a fresh relaxer for something like my birthday or christmas. i have been some soul searching. more to come, and this only a hair journey, lol.

Today I am Seven Weeks Post

so i am seven weeks post; three weeks to go. i have about an inch NG in the middle of my head. the rest is alittle budding NG, lol, if that makes any since. i have constantly been thinking about my strength challenge that is coming up soon. i also tried Herbal Essences Long Term Relationship Leave in. ok, here's the review:
so i decided to co-wash my hair today. i used my suave conditioner. i took time and rubbed my scalp with my fingers to help rinse some of the castor oil still on my scalp. after letting the conditioner set for at least five minutes, i rinsed and my hair was so soft. i pulled my hair to see how strong it was and my hair was snapping! i was so upset. my hair has no strength at all. i add the HE LTR onto my hair in small sections. my hair felt great. it was so soft. my mistake was sitting under a hood dryer set on high. that was my mistake. my hair was so dry. so i added a tad more to my dry hair. it started softening up and i sealed with kemi oyl. i am bagging at this moment. i feel like that after this all night bagging my hair will be softer. for now on, i will only air dry with this product. i am going to try this product on wet hair again and airdry next time. that will let me know whether or not i need to keep this product in my regimen. i feel like i will not be let down.

my journey to stronger hair -
i am going to use hardly any direct heat
more protective styles
less combing
plenty of oil and moisture

my setbacks of growing longer hair -
no protective styles
direct heat
unnecessary trims

after my august relaxer, i am going carefully consider doing a 19 week stretch. it would be 4 and 3/4 month stretch. its crazy but i will think about and have my mind made up by my october relaxer.

but back to this wash, so my hair shedded alot during the wash. my hair shedded even worse during the application of the leave in. OMG!!! i didn't shed as bad during the hood dryer experience. i am still learning how to take care of my wet hair. its very hard. my hair hates being touch while wet. i am still learning. i have a few more washes before my august 1st relaxer. i feel like i may get the hang of it a little faster than i think.

so far, this 10 week stretch has been ok, alot better than my last stretch, lol. its less arguing with my mom about why am i not trying to do anything with my hair.

My View on Braids and Weave in General

i am a big believer in wigs and weave and braids and micros and whatever, lol. my high school days are filled with me and my braids. from micros to scalp braids, i was wearing them. soon i fell out of the scene of findind afforable people and i was unable to get braids for almost two years. braids have grew my hair trememdously. i love braids. i wish i can wear them all the time but my parents hates them. i have officially decided to give up micros. i think that right now my hair is too weak to take on micros and that i would lose more hair now than gain length. by the time i think my hair strong enough to have micros, i think my hair, personally, would be too long for micros. so i am giving them up. i am going to continue to get large box braids and scalp braids and whatever else i can do with risking losing too much hair. i have also decided that i will not get any more kinky twists in my hair after i get APL. after BSL i think i will stop getting box braids. after MBL, i will no longer get scalp braids with weave. i am hoping to graduate from these helpful resources. why would i wan't to move away from my braids? well, it would mean that i am gaining length and don't need it anymore. i am thinking about wigs. i haven't gotten one. i am thinking about buying in december and wearing it from january until march or maybe even may. i haven't decided yet.

My Relaxer History

before my healthy hair journey, i use to get relaxers every five weeks. that was 11 relaxers a year. i am surprised that i have any hair left, lol. but i am doing better. my first stretch of this HHJ was of eight weeks. it went smoothly. i mean i was used to the NG, because i was battling a very bad grain of hair, so i thought. i learned that i didn't have a bad grain of hair. i just wasn't taking care of it to the best of my ability. now that i am stretching 10 and 12 weeks, i am finding it hard to understand my hair. my NG tends to kick my behind. i am having so many problems with detangling and laying my NG. i have tried the infamous scarf method, tying your hair down with a scarf for a period of time to lay down the NG. its a learning process. i have to continue to figure out effective, but less-manipulative ways to tame my hair and continue to look presentable. me and mom have gotten into horrible arguments about how my hair has looked after i am so many weeks post. i was eleven weeks one day. my mom hated that my was rolling up so bad that she stomped and yelled and screamed and just threw this horrible fit about how i look horrible. it was horrible. i hated being in my house when i am stretching. my mom and dad hates weave so weaving it up is usually out of the question. i am actually practicing how to scalp braid so i can just put my own braids in. but this is my relaxer history.

Its July! What have I been thinking about?

July 9th made my 7th month healthy hair journey anny. i am so proud of myself. my hair is growing, but i am a little disappointed by the speed by which its growing in. sometimes, i doubt that i will meet my APL goal in december because my hair looks like it doesn't grow. my relaxers have given me one inch per stretch. i am truly grateful for it. however, who don't want their hair to grow fast. i have made small goals for every month to keep my mind off of growing. this month is the NO DIRECT HEAT FOR A MONTH goal. this is very hard for me because i will use a blow dryer at least once a week. i have been doing good; no heat so far. i haven't even used my hood dryer which is total acceptable in this challenge. last month was my GROW ONE HALF INCH goal. my hair doesn't grow a half inch a month, so i have been using castor oil to help me with the growth. i made it, but i trimmed my growth away.

its been seven months and i have noticed alittle difference with my hair. my hair has grown. my hair is a little weak so my hair seems weak. i have been having trouble strengthening my hair. so i am going to work on strengthening my hair because it is a future goal. i am have noticed a different texture to my hair. my hair seems a lot softer. i believe that is from the moisture i add to my hair every night. overall my hair is healthier than it was when i started my hair journey in december 2008, but i don't not believe that my hair is the healthiest it has ever been. i can't put a date on it when i think it is going to be its healthiest, but i believe it will be soon, like a few more months; especially soon after i hit APL or Full APL. stay tune for my healthiest hair yet.

The T-Shirt Challenge

the t-shirt challenge is something that i created on KISS and Hairlista. its about getting shirts and measuring your length by it. i have created about four shirts, lol. i love making them. i love even more checking my length by them. by a few pics, you can tell i have made a little difference in growth.

the first picture is a february 2009 wash day. the second picture is my march 2009 relaxer. as you can see, you can easily tell if your hair is growing or not with a white t-shirt and some markings indicating your inches and your goals. the shirt looks different in the two pictures but its the same shirt, just alterations done to it. my goal on this blog is to keep you updated with my length using the t-shirt. join the t-shirt challenge, either personal among yourself, or on one of the hair forums or on here.

My Regimen

i don't have a set schedule when i do my washings anymore. at first i did, but it had to change. i was conditioner washing (co-washing) on thursdays with a pre-poo (leave a product in for added moisture) and shampoo washing on the weekends. but i noticed that my hair was really weak. i mean, extremely weak. i was using mane and tail conditioner as a protein to help strengthen my hair, but i didn't see any results. so i decided to simply do unto my hair ONLY when its NEEDED and not when i FEEL like it, lol.

so these are my products:

Suave conditioner and shampoo - the cheaper the better. i have learned that you can pay a dollar for a bottle of suave and have just as soft hair. the difference - the prices. some are outrageous, and thats why i am a faithful suave fan. i use the shampoo now only on days where i feel like my hair is really sticky or maybe if my hair has sweated alot. other than that, i decided not to use shampoo.

Creme of Nature (CON) leave in conditioner - this is one of my favorite leave ins. it leaves my hair really soft. i put in a spray bottle and mix it with water. this used to follow every time i washed my hair, but under my new circumstances, i have decided to limit this to about a few washes a month.

Cantu Leave in Conditioner - this is my new protein treatment. i have decided to only use this product during the first few weeks after my relaxers.

castor oil, coconut oil and african best herbal oil - these are my oils that i oil my scalp with and seal my hair with. my castor oil is the one i use EVERYDAY.

kemi oyl - this is my heat protectant for when i use the blow dry and flat iron.

Cantu daily oil moisturizer and African's best olive oil moisturizing lotion - these are my moisturizers. cantu is thicker than my african's best. i live my african's best more and i am going to continue to use it until i have some negative result.

herbal essences hello hydration moisturizing conditioner and olive oil replenishing conditioner - these are my deep conditioners (DC).

i get my relaxers at least every 10 weeks. i am planning on longer stretches when i can tame my new growth (NG).

i try to only get trims every 3-6 months.

i moisturize every day and oil my scalp every day.

i try to wash my hair twice a week to keep my scalp clean.

i relax regularly with gentle treatment. i have previously relaxed with olive oil and creme of nature and soft and beautiful.

any other additions will be added to a different blog.

basically, these are all of my products!!!

Giving You a Taste of my Hair History

my friend always tell me that if you don't have pictures, it didn't happen. lol. well, i don't have any pics of my WL hair, but i promise it was there. my hair was bunned up most of the time, so it wasn't hanging and blowing in the wind. my mom hated my hair down anyway. so i don't have anything to remind me of the old times except my memories. its sad that i don't have the pictures, but i never thought that i would have my short hair either. so my grandmother (my dad's side of the family) always had a big thing about appearances, especially hair. i felt like i was always compared to my older cousin. i felt horrible, because people including my family thought i wanted to be just like my cousin. so one day, i showed everyone and had my barely WL hair (i was trimming in it) chopped to EL!!! i know, i was crazy for doing it. but i loved the individualism i received afterwards. high price to pay for your own identity. not long ago, my cousin (who was WL also) cut her hair EL, too. so the comparison has returned. my confidence, which wasn't much in the begining is definitely GONE!!! i have decided to grow my hair back out to whatever it can grow too. also, i am hoping to gain back confidence more than i ever had. i am hoping that over the course of my last few semesters in college plus the hair journey will help me burst from my insecurity cocoon and emerge as the beautiful butterfly i see within myself.

Thinking about My Relaxer in August

So, in June, clipped my ends. i was so afraid because i needed this trim desperately. However, looking at the clipped hair, they were measuring up to be an inch long!!! I was afraid that I have cut all of my May/June progress. I was so worried. So the next day, i washed my hair and saw that I didn't trim my hair too far from my May/June goal, but its barely reaching now. I feel like this will hinder my progress some in reaching my APL goal by my December relaxer. Wish me luck.

blog officially written July 10, 2009