My Hair Used to Make Me Its Prisoner

THIS POST HAS BEEN IN MY DRAFTS FOR WHILE. I DECIDED TO POST IT TODAY. IF YOU HAVE BEEN KEEPING UP WITH BLOG, SOME OF THE THINGS YOU WILL READ WILL SOUND VERY FAMILIAR AND VERY REPETITIVE, BUT PLEASE BEAR WITH ME, LOL.


"What are you talking about, Lex?" Well,  I am glad that you asked. Let me go back in the year of 2006. I grew my hair out from this dramatic cut. My hair was about APL. I was not on a HHJ. I did not have a lot of passion into my hair care. I did not wear a bonnet to bed regularly. I relaxed every 5 weeks. Yea, it was an easy going life for my hair. BUT, I was not having any problems with my hair. I wasn't using  heat, though. I graduated high school in 2006 and started my freshman year August of the same year. Here I wanted to experiment with coloring my hair, so I started by all of these sprays and dyes. I wanted lighter hair. Even though these color were not permanent, I experience devastating issues. I had extreme breakage and dandruff. I once again cut my hair back to EL to rid my hair of bad ends.
2007 comes and went with my hair's health about the same. But I still was not putting in much effort to help.
In 2008, I graduated from my community college and went to a university. So my very first class here, I would meet what would later be my boyfriend. When I met him, I have full SL hair. I was in a seat in this music class, and Michael (my bf) sits down besides me. He introduced himself, and told me that he was going to cheat off of me in this class. He hit a soft spot with me; I love a man that can make me laugh. So, I was hooked from that day on...but back to the story...I didn't know him and he didn't know me but he was constantly putting his hands in my hair and running his hands in my hair! I did not know this boy, but he was all up in my hair. Even crazier, I did not stop him nor did I complain about it. Why? Because I was not this obsessed person about my hair. It was ok for people to touch my hair. December of this same year was when I decided that I needed to get on a HHJ.

2009 of my HHJ, me and then good friend Michael was talking at my apartment, and then he reached for my hair to rub it. I jumped on him like a spidermonkey. "DO NOT TOUCH MY HAIR!" He looked like I was having an exorcism. I felt weird, too. What is happening to me? Why am I acting so crazy about my hair? I apologized, but we laughed because it was so funny. But deep down, I was serious. I did not want anyone touching my hair anymore. What's the deal? I started to realize then that my HHJ was starting to take over. You would not believe the things I have missed out on. I did not got to clubs, parties and concerts. Why? Because I did not want to smoke out my hair or sweat my hair. I did not go swimming or participated in water activities on campus. I could not trust the water. You already know I did not participate in the college sponsored food fights -____- Really?

In 2010, Michael and I decided to make it official and became exclusive. The last two and a half years have been totally ridiculous. I did not let anyone touch my hair hardly. I haven't been to a stylist since 2010. Before then was 2008. Trust me, it was only one visit each of those years. I refused to let anyone other than me relax my hair. Some of my close friends called me sadity with my hair. Really? I didn't think I was being weird about it, but I did grow my hair back from the countless things and people who have hindered my hair from growing. There have been nights where I would not get any sleep because I was forcing myself to toss and turn to make sure my bonnet and scarf was not coming off at night. I was getting ridiculous.

Even with heat passes, I felt guilty about flat ironning my hair. Even though I had went so long without heat, I still feel like I was harming my hair. To subside my guilty feelings, I researched the best heat protectants that I could find and money could by. I only flat iron and blow dry my hair on the lowest of low settings. Still, I would feel like I was sticking a lighter to my hair. Why? Because I felt like that I was basically doing the same thing with any type of heat, small in amount or not. The same goes for wrapping. I felt like I was tearing my hair out of my head wrapping. So, now I feel like wrapping (wet or dry) is the enemy. But now, I have decided that I am going to do better.

So, what do I mean about BETTER? Well, I haven't been able to enjoy my hair because I have been so tied up with health, health, health where I refuse to enjoy it. Granted, I feel like protecting my hair means hide your hair and not enjoy it at all unless you want to be thin and/or bald tomorrow. Silly, right? But this has been my reality. I have decided that I am going to enjoy my hair FINALLY. I i may have not reached major length goals, but my hair is the healthiest that it has ever been. It is very thick and it has a lot of body. It is time for me to show it off and love it without putting too much effort into hiding it. So, what am I going to do different, now? Well, I am going to do more roller sets and flexi rod sets. My facial frame looks so good with a head full of curls. Why not feel pretty and feminine? Why should I deny myself a moment to feel good inside and out? So more curls it is. I am planning on doing countless amount of curls from January to March. I am also going to do a couple more sets before the year is out. Another thing that I am going to do is updos rather than buns. My hair tends to look very thin in buns; from here, my buns look very shoddy. My buns make me feel unattractive because the styles never look attractive. So, I am doing research on how to do my own updos. In the past month, I have attempted about three updos. They looked so full and pretty and feminine. I really enjoyed wearing them because they offer so much versatility in my styles.  So, now I would rather wear an updo than a regular bun. I am going to wear a few weaves so that I can give my hair a break. I am only interested in wear half sew ins. I rather would wear a weave so that the back of my hair could get a break from hair ties, hair wrapping and giving my nape a break. I am trying to learn how to properly wrap my hair without losing much hair. Twist outs are not working for me anymore (unless I just want a textured bun). I am going to start doing braid outs again. I haven't did braid outs in months.

My goal for here on out is to wear my hair in the most healthiest and cutest styles. So, be on the look out for a full blog post of pictures of everything that I am going to start doing.

I have never committed a crime, so I refuse to let my hair hold me as its prisoner anymore.

XOXO