So, I have been doing alot of research about this and that in regards to my hair. Since, I have decided to stay on my HHJ, I made the promise to stay on the most simplistic path possible. Its like Calculus, you think the problem is solved but you have this whole other route you have to take. Yea, I hate math, lol. I do not even know where there analogy came from. What has came over me??? I believe that the summer has officially altered my brain beyond my own comprehension. I have been in this huge slump since returning home.
I was very disappointed that I did not reach BSL when I graduated. Talking about someone who was hurt!!! After I relaxed my hair, straightened my hair, graduated and came home, I really saw my ends for what they really where, THIN! So, this summer I believed that I have cut my hair three times to achieve the maximum amount of bluntness that I could possibly give myself. I am satisfied with what I have right now. I have made a promise not to trim my hair no more this year, I believe that I have cut enough for the next five years. Even though I was upset about not meeting BSL and cutting into my hair so much, I am excited about how my ends look now.
Another thing that has bother me this entire summer was the fact that I have yet to enjoy my hair. My hair is not at the longest point it has ever been (I was once WL), but it is definitely the thickest it has ever been. Instead of celebrating this fact, I have still worried about protecting my ends and making sure that my clothes will not dry out my ends when I wear my hair down. I was mentioning this with another blogger some days ago. I haven't hit a major landmark in about two or three years, but I should be happy about how thick my hair is. I have decided, despite that I have not met my BSL goal or any other goals, to never put down my hair again. I was so wrapped up in growth, growth, growth to the point where I literally punish myself for failing to meet goals. I have dismissed people's honest-to-heart compliments about my hair because I am not satisfied with my hair. Even though I verbally accepted and appreciated their comments, I was feeling ridiculed on the inside. I think to myself, "Thanks for saying how my hair looks so cute in this style, but I still haven't got my hair to my bra." I have also said in my head, "Oh, thanks for complimenting on how my SHOULDER LENGTH hair looks good, not my ARMPIT LENGTH hair, or my BRA STRAP LENGTH hair." I need help right, lol. People who are about to do HHJs need to be aware of the psychological stress and drama possibilities that could emerge durring one. Isn't that sad, lol?
Another thing is that I have moved back home. UGH :( This is one of the biggest mistakes that I have ever made in my entire life. You know how you take a stroll down memory lane and you remember the old guys in your past and you think to yourself, "Just what in the hell was I thinking?" Yea, as bad as some of my relationships were, I truly believe that moving back home tops the cake. My father is fine. Me and him rarely have issues. BUT there are TWO other people in my household that drives me up a MOFO wall. (I am going to try to keep this post PG-13, but this subject makes my mouth absolutely filthy, lol.) My mother and my brother are hellians. They make me lose my mind. My mom is so unappreciative and she feels like I am supposed to just do everything around the house without the smallest ounce of respect and appreciation. My brother is so g***amn unappreciative. He makes my a** itch. He is 20, and he feels like he is owed everything just because of who he is. He is in community college, but he still does not have any idea what is the value of hard work. The worst part about it is that my mom condones or look over his behavior. I am the type that if I know that my family is doing wrong, I am going to tell you that you are wrong. But he gets so defensive and tells me that I am being nosy, and that I am knocking his "hustle". I don't know what that is. But at the moment me and him are not talking. Me and my mom will have our arguments, too. #frustrating I am 24. I had money saved to get an apartment after graduation; however, my school told me that I was missing a semester worth of classes, my entire savings. So, I am stuck like Chuck. Right now, my plan is to stay in my room and out of anyone's eyesight. I rather be in the room alone than arguing. I do have a small job right now, so I am trying to save as much as I can to be out of here sometime.
My plan was to start grad school last month. However, I only applied to one school and when I did, I was denied. Sad story. Yeah, well that is old news. I have better news. I have been accepted to a different graduate school, and I will start in January. Yay, me!!! I am so excited about this new journey I am about to embark. Is it safe to say that I would love to be WL for this graduation? Hmm? Lol. Idk about it, but I would love to see.
Since being home, I have also "committed" to the "job" of "assisting" with the care of my mother's hair. What is with all of the quotes? Well, pretty much I am being forced to take full care of my mother's hair. No, I was not asked. BUT, I rather her hair being taken care of with her hair's health being main priority. Beauty shops around us are not interested in the hair's health, only to get a style in your head, get their money and free their chair for the next client.
This has been my summer: I have put some thought into my HHJ, parents, brother, school, and no full time job. Yep, life is sweet, lol. I am still hopeful though. All of these problems are already solved. I just have to want it bad enough. So, I hope you have enjoyed my summer recap.
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