I wasn't ready

What is my title about? Today was my alma mater's homecoming. I haven't attended a high school event since I have been out of school, five years ago. I haven't seen many of my classmates, maybe two every now and then. But the opportunity arosed today to go tailgate. I went to the tailgate. I saw three classmates then. One asked me to come to homecoming game. I told her ok. My brother has only been out of high school a year. When my brother came home for the festivities, he made sure he looked good for the parade and the tailgating. For the game, he dressed up really nice. He wanted to look like an "alumini," he said. I asked jokingly, you want to show people that you are doing something with your life. He said of course. After the comment was made and responded to, I started feeling uneasy. I didn't want to go all of a sudden. I felt inferior to people, even though I am probably one out of every twenty five people I would have bumped into to go to college. But why did I feel like I wasn't doing anything with myself. I felt really bad. I did not feel like I had anything going for me. So, I stayed home, writing this blog, feeling like a lame. I was not ready to show my face. I was not ready to go out and do this. My high school experience was horrible; I didn't have many friends. I was picked on alot. Even though I am probably doing alot more than what some of these same people are doing, I did not feel that way.
What is wrong with me???

What have you been doing?

Hello...I have been looking at my hair in disgust. lol...That is what I have been doing. My hair is blah and I am ashamed. What happened was I was experiencing serious shedding that did not go away with my protein treatments. So, at six or seven weeks, I decided to relax. I didn't see to much growth and I was still shedding. So, I styled my hair, moisturized and kept moving. The next week, I noticed more shedding hair. So I decided to wash my hair and DC. While I was air drying, I dared myself to give my hair that even back trim that I needed so bad. And I did. It looks so much better...but one side could be trim 1/4 to 1/2 inch more. But I am going to wait next relaxer. Last week, I decided to wash my hair again but instead of DC and then a leave in, I only decided to do my protein and the water based leave in moisturizer. BEST THING I EVER DID!!! My hair is so much better. I still have some shedding, but not like I used to. So, I am cutting down my usage of moisture. Slowly, I am going to reteach myself moisture and protein balance without experimenting in my head.

I am still hoping for BSL for Christmas, despite the trim. I am still hopeful. I am also waiting for MBL before the end of summer 2012.
Continue to follow me. Hopefully, I will get a camera soon for pix.

-Lex-